u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
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they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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