ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
