That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
