I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
