i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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