It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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