If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
