Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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