My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
