Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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