i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
