I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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