Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
