He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
