i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
