You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize