First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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