"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
