I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
