just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
