Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
