he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
