I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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