Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
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Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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