we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
