Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
