STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
