I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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