her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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