just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
