cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize