guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
