so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
