my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
