wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
