how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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