Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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