Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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