your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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