Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
