whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize