I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Life is so much better after having sex.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
