I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
