he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
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The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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