Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
