I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
