Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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