...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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