you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
