I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
