Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
