Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
