I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
