I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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