His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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