I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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