i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
